The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSLeonard Hofstadter Quotes
Leonard: How does a miserable date end in sex?
Penny: I don't know, it's complicated.
Leonard: Well, I'm a pretty smart guy and right now my brain has dibs on the blood supply so give it a go.
Penny: Bat signal? What are you, some kind of nerd?
Leonard: Not some kind of nerd, I'm the king of nerds.
Penny: What does that mean?
Leonard: Uh, it means if anyone displeases me, I don't help them set up their printer.
Penny: You are so funny.
Leonard: Good. Remember that when I take my shirt off
Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down.
Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship.
Raj:I heard you called her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement.
Penny: You mean, like a date?
Leonard: Not like a date, a date.
Look, Howard, I'd say there's lots of fish in the sea, but I've seen you dangle your hook in that water for years, do not throw her back.
Leonard: I don't know what to tell you, buy her something.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Leonard: Well, you skip over any attempt to repair your emotional connection and you win back her affection with an empty financial gesture.
You know digital alcohol is not the solution.
Leonard: You think we can outrun him?
Sheldon: I don't need to outrun him. I just need to outrun you.
Howard: Hey, we're here to support you, buddy.
Leonard: No, you're not. You're here to see if I get my underwear pulled over my head.
Howard: You wore underwear? You fool.
Penny: Hi. Did Sheldon change the Wi-Fi password again?
Leonard: Yeah, it's "Penny already eats our food she can pay for Wi-Fi." No spaces.
Howard: It's amazing people keep coming to comic book stores instead of just downloading comics digitally.
Leonard: It's probably for the best. For a lot of these guys, the weekly trip here is the only chance their mom has to go down to the basement to change their sheets.
Howard: Oh, that reminds me, I get fresh sheets tonight. Yay!
I am such an asthmatic dumbass.
