Leslie Knope Quotes
Ann: What are you up to?
Leslie: Just looking up scandalous information about my co-workers for a game we're playing.
Ann: My taxes pay your salary right?
Leslie: What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly. What if instead of tic tacs I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals and I promise you they won't happen.
Leslie: They have happened. All of these have happened to me. Uh, no, there's more. One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3-D glasses the entire evening. Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time I went to a really boring movie with a guy and while I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literaly woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.
Ann: You're 20 minutes late. I almost left.
Leslie: Well, I was, dropping my niece off.
Ann: What's your niece's name?
Leslie: Torple. What? I don't know. That's not a name. I don't have a niece. My niece's name is Stephanie?
Leslie: Let's begin our conversation.
Ann: What's on the note cards?
Leslie: They're possible topics of conversation.
Ann: Whales. Parades. Electricity. And the rest are blank.
Leslie: Yeah, well I couldn't think of anything else.
I think it's a real shame when people focus on the taudry details of a scandal. Personally, all I care about is Councilman Dexhart's policies; not whether he was high on nitrous and cocaine during the cave sex...which, by the way, I heard he was.
Leslie: Do you have like a first-date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know, a pair of cargo pants?
Ann: Yeah I wouldn't go with the cargo pant.
Leslie: What about like a sexy hat?
Ann: I don't even know what that is.
Leslie: Helping already.
Tom: I think cave sex is insane.
Tom: Because of the echoes and the humidity.
Leslie: And he didn't know who Madeliene Albright was.
Leslie: Not you too. Madeline Albright, first female Secreatary of State.
Ann: No, I mean who didn't know?
Leslie: What you doing in these parts?
Dave: Oh, I just, uh, I came by to see the murals. This one is pretty amazing.
Leslie: Yeah, this one's a beauty. You know, in the 1880's, there were a few years that were pretty rough and tumble in Pawnee. This depicts kind of a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Annabeth Stevenson, a widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was "A Lively Fisting." But y'know, they had to change it for...obvious reasons.
Dave: She's got him by the hair pretty good there.
Leslie: I don't think I could date someone doesn't share my interests. Could you date someone who doesn't love giving vaccinations?
Ann: I've never dated anyone who's loved giving vaccinations.
I'm a judge, so I don't want to seem partial, but Trish will win this over my dead body.
I got that tunnel vision that girls get. I let my emotions get the best of me. I cared too much, I guess. I was thinking with my lady parts. I was walking and it felt icky. I thought there was gonna be chocolate. I don't even remember! I'm wearing a new bra, and it closes in the front, so it popped open and it threw me off. All I wanna do is have babies! I'm just going through a thing right now. I guess when my life is incomplete, I wanna just shoot someone. This would not happen if I had a penis! Bitches be crazy. I'm good at tolerating pain; I'm bad at math, and... I'm stupid.