Linda Zwordling Quotes
Ted, a little chaos can be a good thing. My grandma met my grandma when a tornado blew her into his barn. He pulled the rake out of her chest and proposed on the spot.
Veronica: I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate...
Linda: Don't tell me. The Dutch.
Veronica: I don't hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That's why I hold them to a higher standard.
Veronica: I was up against this man--Walter--who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?
Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
Ted: "Employees must now use offensive or insulting language in the workplace." This has to be a mistake. Why would the company want us to swear at each other?
Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.
Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."
Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.
So did you hear the latest office gossip? Ryan the security guard quit his job because you're a giant douche-mobile. That's right, you're a douche on wheels. Or perhaps a decorative sculpture hanging above a baby douche's crib. The gossip didn't specify.
Ted: I need to sabotage the sleep system and make sure it's not finished in time for Relaxacon.
Linda: Cool. That's not sex, but it beats getting knocked to the floor so hard you want to go back to Wisconsin and get your master's in Cheese Sciences.
Ted: Yes, it does.
Ted: Morale does seem pretty low.
Linda: It's like that time they paid our holiday bonuses in frozen food.
Ted: Potpie Christmas. It did not help that they made them with real reindeer.
I don't want to lose this job. What am I supposed to do, go back to Wisconsin and work in the cheese mine? After I made that big speech, threw down my cheese shovel, and stormed out?
I don't like other ladies' breasts. Some days I don't even like my own breasts. Although mostly they're awesome.
Linda: Relax, Sheila. Don't fight it.
Ted: "Don't fight it?"
Linda: Hindsight is 20-20, Mr. "I never accidentally fondled anyone."
Ted: I don't think the words "don't fight it" have ever been used when someone isn't being sexually harassed.
Oh, don't be that guy who points fingers. No one likes a pointer. Even in the dog world, they're seen as insufferable.
Linda: What did you say to Mordor?
Ted: I did not tell him to have sex with Veronica while she's sleeping. Why? What did he do?
Linda: I walked into the supply closet, and he was in there with Ashley from Accounting. And they were not looking for supplies. Unless she uses her ya-ha to store office supplies and he uses his yang-doodle to look for things. That's what my mom calls it.