How about this? Go the bank and get a hundred thousand singles and roll around naked on them. And then apologize to everybody in the bank and then come home.

I'm not ready to get over it. I have a lot of anger to work through before we sweep this under the carpet and move on.

I hate you. A lot. But I do foresee a day far in the future when I might only hate you a little.

Lynette: Tom's packing! We're talking big—circus big! So big that he can drive in the carpool lane when he's alone! If it falls in the forest, believe me: It makes a sound. The Washington Monument looks at it and says, 'I want to be you when I grow up!'

Your job is to watch television and eat way too much candy and my job is to make sure that's all your job is.

Tom: I'm taking the necessary precautions.
Lynette: The necessary precautions being your own weight in cheese doodles?

Renee was always the one with the fashion sense. Before I met her, I'd never even heard of Gucci or Prada... or Chlamydia.

Try not to take too long because I miss you already.

Tom: So, Paris, Prague, Madrid... it sounds like you guys saw everything.
Lynette: But you still haven't told us how you two met.
Preston: Well, uh, the first time I saw Irina was on a beach in Nice.
Irina: It was, uh, how you say in english? The... (she gestures)
Tom: T-topless?
Irina: Yes!
Lynette: Oh, you really did see everything.

Think of a world where the toilet seat is never up! This is our time to take them down!

Tom: How could you forget her birthday?
Lynette: I'm pregnant. I forget pants sometimes.

Well, in that spirit, as soon as I start chemo, I will be giving up shampoo.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

Mary Alice

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike