Tom: What about my sex? I always get sex on our anniversary.
Lynette: We can still have sex, just try not to wake me.

Eat alot and come back. 'Cos our kids need braces.

I think what my husband is trying to say is, if you really want to test a marriage, open a restaurant together. Anyway, thank you for coming. Eat a lot and come back, 'cause our kids need braces.

Lynette: Okay, okay, we could point fingers, but what's important is forgetting about what we expected, and focusing on what we have, which isn't so bad. I mean, all the different kinds of chairs give the place a kind of bohemian vibe. Plus, if we get a lot of babies, look, we're just totally set. Tom, I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry. I just, I realize it's not perfect. But...please say something.
Tom: What can I say, Lynette? It is what it is.

Lynette: You're acting like I did when I was six months pregnant.
Tom: Excuse me, you were hitting people.
Lynette: Only two, and the mailman had the good taste never to bring that up again.

Lynette: I told you I wanted this floor to sparkle like your mom's. Now does this floor look Bree Hodge clean to you?
Andrew: Uh... no. It looks Andrew Van de Kamp clean. But your disappointment in me is very Bree Hodge.

Ed: Hey you got a little cereal right... (points to her cheek near her lips)
Lynette: Cereal? I didn't have any... Oh I know what that is... I get nauseous from the pain so that's just a little residual vomit.

Lynette: (to Andrew) Aren't you supposed to be working?Andrew: Aren't you supposed to not be here?Lynette: Touch.

  • Permalink: Touch.
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(to Tom) and tonight I'm gonna slap on some sex perfumes and you're gonna get naked and then we're gonna see who the man is.

Lynette: (Pinches her blouse after seeing Harry starring at her chest) Harry, Harry, what'd I say?
Harry: I know, I don't mean to be rude. It's just that my showgirl days were a while ago and I can't remember when I last laid eyes on a beautiful woman's (pause) bosom.
Lynette: Really? Well, what if I were to very briefly refresh your memory? (Firmly places waiver on table for him to sign.)
Cut to next scene where Lynette is buttoning her blouse.
Harry: Completely worth it! (Hands her signed waiver.)
Lynette: Glad you thought so.

Tom: So wait, we're not having sex?
Lynette: Hey, you banned me from your opening!

Tom: I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She is part of our family now and.. you know what that means.
Lynette: Yeah! I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

Mary Alice

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.