It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXMac Quotes
Mac: You are such a dildo, dude.
Dennis: Thanks, dude, thanks. That's a good way to start the day.
Mac: We need to be rational.
Charlie: All right, all right.
Mac: Okay, I thinks it's clear what needs to happen.
Dee: What?
Mac: We need to buy a gun!
Charlie my boy, you got the gun fever.
Dennis: What's the one thing that Charlie never gets?
Mac: Laid.
Carmen, you got the most amazing body. Are you bulimic or what?
Mac: Is that a penis in your pants?
Carmen: Yeah.
Mac: You lied to me.
Carmen: No, I didn't. You lied to me. You don't workout? Please! I've seen you at the gym. You're ripped.
Mac: No, don't turn this around -- wait, really? You think so?
Dennis: We could get into a lot of trouble for this.
Dee: And we also have a social responsibility to keep teenagers from drinking.
Charlie: I guess.
Mac: Well, I don't know about that, though. Hold on, I mean, wait a second, hear me out, hear me out: it wasn't that long ago that we were in the same position as these youngsters, right? I mean, we'd get kicked out of some bar and what did we do, Den? We would get a bunch of forties from a homeless guy and we would go sit in some park.
Charlie: That is true.
Mac: That is absolutely true. And what would happen? We would almost get raped and/or murdered and/or stabbed by the crackheads in Fairmount Park.
Dee: Hello, Stephen.
Charlie: You want to know what else what would happen? We drove Nicky Potnick's car into a tree on Kelly Drive.
Dennis: With Sweet Dee in the back seat, puking all over the headrest because some guy talked to her that she liked, remember that? Every time some guy talks to you that you like, you get so nervous that you drink yourself into oblivion.
Dee: No, no, I had bad potato salad.
Mac: You abused alcohol, and that's OK, that's OK, but it's very dangerous, right? Right? Well, maybe we should look at this whole thing from a different angle. Maybe we have a social responsibility to provide a safe haven for these kids to be kids. You know, experiment!
Dee: No, I don't like where this is headed.
Dee: I don't know how you guys live with yourselves.
Charlie: One day at a time.
Mac: One day at a time.
Dennis: One day at a time.
Dee: Mac, you are so pathetic.
Mac: Yes, and your eyebrows are drawn on.
Dee: Can we please get out of here, let's go.
Mac: Why?
Dee: Trey asked me to prom last night. This is getting really weird.
Charlie: That girl Sarah asked me too.
Dee: You're kidding?
Mac: What, no we can't go to the prom, that's pathetic.
Charlie: What do you mean we, who asked you?
Mac: Let's just go. Let's just go.
Megan: What's this?
Mac: That's a list of the doctors I'm going to kill.
Megan: There's two already crossed out.
Mac: Yeah, I know.
Dee: Did you use birth control?
Mac: Whoa, Dee. We went to Catholic school, so...
Dee: Okay, so, you're allowed to have premarital sex, but you're not allowed to use birth control?
