We're in the steroid capital of the world.
Goddamnit Frank! Eating your drinks?! That is genius!
I'm sorry. Is no one gonna talk about Dee's hair?
This isn't fat. This is mass.
Dee: What if we took a "Pretty Woman" and threw it Roxy's way?
Frank: It was a bullsh*t movie. People don't change like that.
Mac: People change, Frank. Look at me. I went from a tiny twink to the muscle bound freak you see before you.
Dee: You're not helping my argument.
Dennis: Okay, yea. And if you're going to chime in please don't do it with a mouth full of burrito.
Mac: This is a chimichanga.
Dennis You are becoming a chimichanga!
Based on that story, I'm fairly certain those Santas were running a train on your mother for money.
Mac: No, your other left.
Charlie: My other left? I only have one left.
Mac: It's just an expression. Just move it to the other direction.
Charlie: What would that expression be for? For someone with two lefts?
Mac: No, just move it the other way.
Charlie: Towards your left?
Mac: Your left and my left are the same left because we're facing the same direction.
Charlie: Eh, we're two different people so we can't have the same left. It doesn't make sense.
Mac: Instead of doing a My Two Dads kind of thing, we'll do a Three Men and a Baby type of thing!
Charlie: Both equally effective movies.
Parenting is pretending you know what you're talking about, then jamming it down their throat!
Mac: GOD! DAMMIT! Goddamn!
Dee: Nature is bullshit. I'm done with this.
Frank: I told ya, animals suck.
Animals can see souls. That is a fact of nature.
Mac: This brings me no joy at all. I feel nothing. I feel like you stole money from me and bought a shirt.
Dennis: With your money. That is what happened.