(enthusiastically) An animated Christmas card! Kids, that just might be the dumbest idea I've ever heard, ever!

Mayor McDaniels: (to Jimbo and Chef) Gentlemen, I understand you are here to present both sides of an issue. I want to hear you both out and do this in a civil and constructive manner, so I can give you both the time and attention you deserve. Jimbo why don't you begin.
Jimbo: Mayor, it's about the South Park flag
Mayor McDaniels: Oh Jesus Christ, not this again.

Mayor McDaniels: Alright, Eric. Here's your word. Chair.
Cartman: C'mon Phonics monkey, drum!
(Monkey does nothing)
Cartman: C'MON!
(Monkey is doing something, but not drumming)
Cartman: Eric, your word is chair!
Cartman: UhhDefinition?
Mayor McDaniels: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor McDaniels: English!
Cartman: Could you use it in a sentence?
Cartman: ChairC-H-A-R-E (Buzzer) Dammit, how come I always get the hard ones? (Runs off the stage) GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH PHONICS MONKEY!

Interior Department Official: Now we'll have to find a place to for it.
Mr. Garrison: I'll keep it at my house.
Mayor McDaniels: No Garrison you're just going to try and have sex with it.
Mr. Garrison: What? How dare you say that!
Mayor McDaniels: Remember what happened to the wounded pigeon you were supposed to take care of?
Mr. Garrison: Oh c'mon, you all know that pigeon was a total slut.

Mayor McDaniels: First question: What color is blue?

Randy: Mayor! I have it. I found out why people spontaneously combust.
Mayor: [over the phone] Why?
Randy: It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
[Cut to clipboard that says:]
Boyfriend == > Death
Girlfriend == > Death

Mayor: Are you sure this wouldn't make our little town look dangerous?
Sid Greenfield: Don't worry, Mayor. America's Most Wanted is not about violence, it's about family.
Cameraman: It is?

Mayor: Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcer in this town. What would he do?
Officer Barbrady: Hmmm. That's a good question, Mayor. Let me get right on that, with thinking.

Mayor: My God, what a harrowing tale of human drama this is. All of us doing what we must to survive.
Jimbo: It is amazing what people can do under stress. Just look at the pyramids. Nobody knows how they built those. Or who.
Narrator: Who built the pyramids? Was it- the Babylonians? Officer Barbrady? Samaritans?

Jimbo: Well, looks like we're not going anywhere for a long time.
Director: We're snowed in?
Mayor: Yes! We're trapped!
Mr. Garrison: Like sailors on a submarine...
Mayor: My god, this is the worst storm I have ever seen!
Director's Assistant: Oh, I have to get out of here; I haven't eaten since breakfast.
Officer Barbrady: Yeah, I'm getting kind of hungry, too!
Jimbo: I hope you all don't realize what we're facing here... Our only option might be to...eat each other to stay alive.
(Everybody in the building gasps in horror.)
Director: Uh... It's only been, like, four hours... Aren't you people resorting to cannablism a little quickly?
Jimbo: That's a while to live, Mr. Director. I don't eat plenty, but if some of us must die so the rest can stay alive so be it.
Mayor: But...how do we decide who?
Jimbo: Well, we'll draw straws...
Director: Now, wait just a minute! You've all had a big breakfast! Can't you people live without eating for a while??
Jimbo: Calm down, soldier! We need every person here to keep his head! Barbrady, fetch some straws.
Director: Well, who the hell made you the boss, anyway??
Announcer: Who the hell made Jimbo boss? Was it: Officer Barbrady? Chef? Mr. Garrison?

Jimbo: What's all the ruckus over there?
Mayor: Sounds like somebody declared shenanigans.
Jimbo: Oh, hell, I have to run home and grab my broom!

Director: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3
(the kids play horribly)
Mayor: What the hell is that!?
Assistant: I think it's the stars and stripes.

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman