(Maggie is talking to Susan about wedding cakes)
Maggie: So, which one do you like the best?
(Instead of the cakes, Susan eyes Ian and Mike)
Susan: Wow. It's kinda hard to decide.
Maggie: Well, that depends on what you are looking for. Rich and elegant? Or down to earth and sweet?
Susan: I don't know.
Mike: You wanna taste them again?
Susan: No! I know what they taste like! I'm just torn, okay?
Ian: There's no reason to get upset. It's just a cake.
Susan: It's not just a cake! It's a major decision!
Maggie: Well, hey, if you like them both so much why don't you just have two cakes?
Susan:(speaking in a high pitch voice)
How would that look? Oh, hey, everybody! Here's my wedding cake! Oh, and what's that over there? That's my other wedding cake! I have to pick and I will! So just stop pressuring me okay?!

Susan: Look, Ian is going to come and invite you to dinner for Friday and you are not, I repeat, not going to accept.
Mike: Why is Ian inviting me to dinner?
Susan: He wants to thank you for saving us and he wants to show that he's not jealous of you. How's that for irony?
Mike: I didn't plan to kiss you but you didn't exacly resist.
Susan: I was in shock.
Mike: Why were you so upset when you mentioned Ian?
Susan: Because we just had a fight. About you.
Mike: Really? (smugly) Talk about me a lot?
Susan: Mike, I am marrying Ian. We have hired a caterer, we are going with the salmon so just back off.
(Mike sees Ian coming over to them)
Mike: Hey Ian.
Susan: Hi Ian. I just asked Mike, he can't make it.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sorry, I've got plans tonight.
Ian: Ah. But didn't we say Friday?
Mike: Friday? Oh, Friday I'm wide open.

Mike: What, he didn't tell you how we played poker for you?
Susan: You bet me in a game of poker?
Ian: It's not--not how it sounds. I merely suggested that--that if I won the hand, then he--he would stop badgering you.
Susan: And if he won?
Ian: Well, I--I forget the exact terms, but the point is, he lost, as I knew he would. I never would have wagered you if I didn't have a very good hand.
Susan: Get out!
Ian: Susan, please.
Mike: You heard her.
Susan: That goes for you, too. I've had it with both of you. You're tugging at me like I'm some kind of wishbone.
Ian: You're just upset.
Susan: No, I am beyond upset. You two want a decision? Well, here's what I decide. There will be no kissing, and there will be no wedding, and there will be no damn cake!

Susan: Thanks a lot. Now Maggie thinks you're Charles Manson.
Mike: I don't care. I love you.
Susan: Don't say that.
Mike: It's true. I remember everything now. When I got run over I was on my way to propose to you.
Susan: I don't wanna talk about it.
Mike: I do. What would you have said?
Susan: You know what I would have said. It doesn't matter now.
Mike: The hell it doesn't Susan. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that when we kissed you felt nothing then I'll just go. But only if you can say that and really mean it. Can you?

Mike: I don't believe this. You are setting me up?
Susan: You need to move on, okay?
Mike: I don't wanna move on. I came here to see you.
Mike: Well, I'm not available. So, if you feel like kissing someone tonight point those lips at Maggie.

(Mike walks into Carlos' room, Edie is hiding next to the door)
Mike: (whispering) So uh... you got a girl in here?
Carlos: No, why?
Mike: Because when I came home, I thought I heard sex noises.
Carlos: (laughing) Nah, that was just me.

Susan: Mike, you saved our lives. (Mike pulls Susan's cheese out of his back pocket) And our cheese! Ian, can you believe it? Mike saved our cheese!
Ian: Yes, yes, he's quite the hero.
Mike: (smirking) Good thing I was following ya.

Mike: Hey, you got a minute? I need your help with something.
Susan: (holding her groceries) Ahm, I should probably get these inside.
Mike: Please, I- I need to ask you about a movie. ...And so, the last part I remember, the girl is putting these raw pancakes in front of him and then something else funny happened. (Susan is smiling) . I don't remember, it was just a stupid chick flick.
Susan: Mike, it wasn't a movie, that was us.
Mike: What?
Susan: Yeah, ahm, that was the first night we spent together. I wanted to surprise you.
Mike: With raw pancakes?
Mike: They weren't all raw. I was trying to spell MIKE and the M was goopy but the IKE was delicious, you loved it.
Mike: I did, huh?
Susan: Actually no, it was gross. You were really sweet, you just gave me a lot of kisses and said not to worry, I'd get a lot of chances to make you pancakes cause-
Mike: Cause I was planning on spending the rest of my mornings with you.
Susan: You remember.
Mike: Yeah.

Dr. Berman: Hi Mike. So, tell me, I've been dying to know. Did you talk to Susan? Could she remember what the movie was?
Mike: Actually, no.
Dr. Berman: Oh, well, hang in there. We'll figure it out. It's just a matter of time before everything starts coming back. Here, have a seat.
Mike: Uh, listen, you've been really helpful the last few months but I, I think I'm done here.
Dr. Berman: Mike, I know this can be a frustrating process but if you give up now there are so many memories that could be lost to you.
Mike: (resigned) Yeah, I'm okay with that.

(The boys have gathered at Tom's restraurant when Ian walks in)
Mike: Hey, Ian.
Ian: Nice to see you Mike.
(Mike rolls his eyes at the other guys)
Carlos: What is fish'n'chips doing here?
Tom: Susan asked me to include him, she said he always wanted to learn how to play poker so we're gonna give him some very expensive lessons.
Mike: Be careful, he already knows how to bluff.

Nurse: Again, sorry for the mix up. If you could just sign right here.
Mike: (looking at the engagement ring that was in his things) I don't remember this. You sure that's mine?
Nurse: It was on you the night you were admitted.
Mike: I got hit by a car, I don't remember anything about that night.
Nurse: Well it looks like you were going to propose to someone. (reading the inscription on the ring) Susan, be mine forever, Mike. Does that ring a bell?
Mike: Sure does.

Mike: (referencing the night Monique was killed) What do you think the police would say if they knew you were there that night?
Orson: What do you think they would say if they knew you threw me off a roof?

Desperate Housewives Quotes

There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

Mary Alice

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike