Homer: Isn't that sweet, six years ago they were fighting, now they're playing pool in a bar.
Moe: Father of the year, pal, father of the year.

Moe: Do you mind riding a cute little scooter with your arms around my waist?
Princess Kemi: I don't!
Moe: To the scooter store!

Homer: She's gone!
Moe: And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

You guys cost me my chance with a woman of a certain age!

You call that a left testicle, Toot?

These eye clamps are the only way I can tolerate today's tv.

Moe: Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Bronte.
Carl: I thought we were playing cards.

Yeah, I always go with three, the number of brothers and sisters I, uh, Hunger Gamed in the womb.

There's sexy bald like..uh...Babar, king of the elephants. I read his books as a kid. He married his cousin Celeste. That was my takeaway.

Bring out your beds. Bring out your beds.

Well, Homer's gone. Let's all go into our suspended state til he gets back.

Hey, don't you badmouth this country. Compared to the rest of the third-world, we're doing great.

The Simpsons Quotes

One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..

Grampa

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.