Peggy: Just make sure he knows that you two are good Catholics and that you're not living together in sin.
Molly: But I'm not and we are!

Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.

Joyce: Remember when I took you kids to the circus, and we saw that big bear on a unicycle?
Molly: Yeah...what does that have to do with anything?
Joyce: Beats me. It just popped into my head.

Mike & Molly Quotes

Molly: We've got the house all to ourselves. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mike: Order pizza and make prank phone calls?
Molly: Yeah, baby!

I always go to Lethal Weapon. I'm Danny Glover and you're Mel Gibson with a thyroid problem.

Carl [to Mike]