Lenny: No, mine was rubber mats in the decontamination showers, also water in the decontamination showers.
Burns: Never!

I appreciate the counsel Simpson, now please trap door yourself out.

I demand to see that capitalism castrating suffragette this instant.

Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes.

Don't pester the rich. I don't hand out candy, you son of a grinch.

Burns: How much for your entire collection?
Comic Book Guy: Um, the speed of light expressed in dollars.
Burns (to Smithers): Just give him Faraday's constant.

Hello, Smithers. Fancy seeing you in casual encounter park.

I insist you never wear shoes or a proper necktie again. Just house slippers and the most humiliating tie there is - bolo.

Take us out first. Anyone can start a family. These days no one can find a job.

Smithers: They're fighting like Iran and Iraq!
Mr. Burns: What?
Smithers: Persia and Mesopotamia.

Apu: Mr Burns, just jump into the net!
Mr. Burns: What's in it for me?
Moe: Just jump!

Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.

The Simpsons Quotes

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.

Mr. Burns: (reading Homer's letter) "Dear Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood, and your card was just great." Why Simpson, you've made my day, you're a true gentlemen.
Homer: Well I-
Mr. Burns: Hello, there's more. (continues reading) "In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink! You are a senile bucktoothed old mummy with bony girl arms and you smell like an elephant's butt!"