Damien: Archibald. Humphrey. What are you guys doing here?
Dan: Well we came looking for Eric.
Nate: We ran into your dad instead. He's a nice guy. I mean, at least he was to us. How he is to you after what we told him might be different story.
Damien: Wait! You guys realize what you've done? My dad's gonna cut me off!

Blair: Nate, where's Epperley? We're having a gift bag crisis.
Nate: How should I know? She left with this guy she knew from Oxford.
Blair: What? How could you let some toft just punt off with her?

Blair: I need you to relieve all that pent up tension before my first performance review tomorrow. And you better not be selfish, Archibald! You know what I mean. A woman remembers.
Nate: This is why you've been dragging me around?
Blair: What's the big deal? It's not like you haven't done it before. Just think of her as a younger, more flexible Lady Catherine.

Nate: Did I hear Reyna just leave? What is that, three days in a row now? Things are getting serious.
Chuck: Not fast enough. We're stuck in this meaningless mind-blowing sex loop.
Nate: I'm sorry to hear that.

Nate: Dad, you'll get another job.
Howard: Yeah. Washing toilets. You know what? I think I'd rather live in a halfway house than live with someone that only halfway trusts me.

Nate: The Thorpes are trying to take over Bass Industries. We thought they might be using you just to get information.
The Captain: I'm a grown man, Nate. And I'm actually good at what I do. Chuck is family. I would never do anything to jeopardize things for him.

Chuck: I just walked past your dad in a $2,000 suit.
Nate: It seems the Captain, who could barely get an interview for a custodial position, got a big executive position with the guy trying to buy your company.

Nate: Hey man, how was New Zealand?
Chuck: I have to say, it was an extraordinary bust.

The Captain: I'm gonna make you proud of me, I promise.
Nate: That's what you said right before you got caught.

Nate: You know what? A celebratory sounds like a good after-party. Maybe you could get an advance, pick up the check.
The Captain: At the pay grade I'm at, I hope you don't mind a Halal cart.

Howard: You gettin' soft kid?
Nate: No, I'm getting bursitis. That was mile nine. Maybe we should head back.
Howard: I feel like I'm 20 again.
Nate: I am 20 and I feel like I'm going to puke up a lung.

The Captain: Hey Nate, need one more for a foursome. You in, dude?
Nate: That's not what it sounded like. But I should go. Good luck.
Chuck: You too.

Gossip Girl Quotes

Even Blair Waldorf can not bend DNA to her will.

Dan

Hazel: Do you know what you're doing, Little J?
Jenny: I'm not Little J anymore.