You have no standing to veto, it's my sperm.

I'm a business guy first and a sex guy second.

Nick: I'm very focused.
Schmidt: You're not even looking at me right now.
Nick: I though I saw something shiny.

On a plus side, I'm being very witty during this fight.

They're just boobs!

When I first grew boobs people started handing me stuff and I got messy, but then you gotta grow up.

Make up an excuse and get out of jury duty. Jess, please, I need you.

You son of a bitch, I love you!

Everything you just said makes me want to give you a wedgie in front of the others.

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

Coach: I need you to get harder Nick. Can you get harder for me?
Nick: What?
Coach: Do you need me to get hard with you?
Nick: I feel like you're not meaning to say what you're saying.
Coach: I'm talking about cleaning up.

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

New Girl Quotes

I was sabotaged by my baby box, which means I will never trust anything that comes out of it.


He smells of strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse.