Pam: No! The solution to every problem isn't throwing freakin' acid on it.
Krieger: Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance.
Pam: Cyril, you can lie to yourself...
Ray: Obviously, look at your sweater.
I know you better sit your ass down before I jam an Easy Spirit up it.
Pam: But wait, why are you telling me about your plan not to make Lana jealous.
Archer: Because I- oh my god, Pam, I think you might be my best friend
Pam: You're my best friend! (hugs him)
Archer: But what about Cheryl?
Pam: You're my second best friend!
Pam: Pardon, but I'm supposed to-- (Queen slaps Pam)
Queen: Woman! I will kill you where you stand!
Cheryl: Which by law, I would be required to tell you if there was a murder in the house (pause) Ohhh, but if you're the murderer....That's what I love about this job. You learn something new every day.
Cheryl: Oh please, you invented racism? Also, you're just a reconstructed light field produced by firing a razor through a beam splitter..
Krieger's artificial girlfriend: Waaaww!
Pam: Yeah dude, not cool..
Pam: Can we talk for a second?
Cyril: Is that before Krieger sexually assaulted a 220 outlet. (group laughs)
Cheryl: See what? What's Area 51?
Pam: What's Area--, are you shitting me? Everybody knows about Area 51.
Archer: Yeah, even me, and I didn't know they made shoes out of cornbread.
Cyril: And basically the only thing that keeps you from murdering each other is a lack of access to fire arms.
Pam: Works for Canada.
Cheryl: Nothing works for Canada.
Pam: Psst, Cyril rub one out.
Cyril: I do NOT want to masturbate
Pam: Not even after that (referencing Ray and Lana wrestling)
Barry: Said the dumbwaiter. Get it Archer? As in you're dumb and you dress like a waiter?
Pam: Told ya!
Archer: Goddamnit Pam! This is exactly what a man should wear to a (wedding)
Pam: I don't want a show up with a black eye.
Archer: Not a real diverse crowd?
Pam: Eye, idiot! Eye! Although no, not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin, and I don't want to sound racist but...
Archer: Power through it