Phone Salesman: Hi.
Pam: Good morning, can I help you?
Phone Salesman: Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott.
Pam: I'm sorry, he's not in right now.
Phone Salesman: Really? He's never around when I come by.
Pam: Shoot.

Michael: Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!
Pam: You mean Tony?
Michael: Java the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Michael: Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.

Michael: I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.
Pam: No, we don't need to do that.

Pam: It's deleted.
Michael: Well?
Pam: She still has feelings for you.
Michael: She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?
Pam: I can't tell you specifically, but... it's not over.
Michael: You're sure?
Pam: [nods and smiles]
Michael: [smiles] Okay.

Pam: No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.
Michael: How?
Pam: Because, she didn't send it to you!
Michael: I know, I know. You're right, you're right.
Pam: I could read it.
Michael: No, that wouldn't-
Pam: Yeah, I could read it.
Michael: No, you don't have to do that.
Pam: Go get your laptop.
Michael: Okay. [leaves to get laptop]
Pam: [to camera] What? I'm not in love with her.

Michael: Want some pie?
Pam: No.
Michael: I went through Holly's things.
Pam: What?
Michael: I stole a sleeve of her sweater.
Pam: Oh, Michael...
Michael: I also stole something off of her computer. A document called "Dear Michael."
Pam: You did what?
Michael: I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.
Pam: She never sent it to you?
Michael: No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.
Pam: No.
Michael: Yes.

[pointing to staff members] Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! [holds up chainsaw, makes a wimpy chain saw noise] Cutting down the competition.

That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [reading from cards, in Forrest Gump voice] Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.

Michael: So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?
A.J.: A.J.
Michael: A.J. What kind of name is A.J.? What do you race cars?
A.J.: I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.
Michael: Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?
A.J.: Yeah. Why, are you interested?
Woman: I have a question about discounts from distributors.
Michael: Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?
A.J.: It's pretty serious, yes.
Michael: Does she ever talk about me?
Pam: Oh, God.
A.J.: Excuse me?
Man: What does this have to do with sales?
Michael: It's all connected. Shut up.

Michael: She has a boyfriend.
Pam: I'm so sorry, Michael.
Michael: How could she do this to me, Pam?
Pam: She's not doing it to hurt you.
Michael: I can't do the presentation, I can't- ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!
Pam: Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-
Michael: I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?
Pam: You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
Michael: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Pam: Yeah, maybe.

So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! ... I've been driving too long.

Michael: She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times 100. Just she... she just left. And I didn't... I never got closure, you know? I never got closure with her. I haven't talked to her since. I haven't seen her since. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. I feel like I need that.
Pam: Okay, lets go.
Michael: I'll just blow off the lecture at Rochester.
Pam: Yeah, screw 'em. Let's do this.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.