Spin class or chemistry class? It's like Breaking Bad in here, sit down let's cook!

Pete I'm pregnant! I'm not but I could be! we could sell it and live off the money.

This helmet wasn't just protecting my head, it was protecting my heart.

Quaint. Isn't that the space between a gal's goal and her penalty box?

Alex: This is an ergonomic work hammock. See how easy? No carpal tunnel for this productive gal.
Penny: That's a sex swing...

Max: If that season had aired, I would've been the first openly gay person on television.
Jane: Except for Ellen, Rosie, all the career high guys.
Penny: Oh and Norman Korpi from the Real World season one.
Max: Deep cut.

We were still reeling from the events surrounding the film Vanilla Sky.

You saw him cramp up during the Horah and he was nowhere to be found when "Shout" came on. No one could get even the slightest bit louder and at no point could anyone get even at all softer.

I don't get it. What is it about me? I am like Jewish boy crack.

Jane: So Max is a Bar Mitzvah MC now...
Penny: I think they prefer to be called Bart Mitzvah hype guys.

Jane: You create your own destiny, like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games.
Penny: Oh I love those books, you read them too?
Jane: No those books are for nerds, but I knew it'd get your attention.

My prom date was one of those murderball champions.

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."