Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX

Peter: Let me help you! I'm great at finding stuff. Last night, I found Lois's g-spot!
Lois: No, he didn't!
Peter: I didn't think she was home.

Permalink: I didn't think she was home.

Added: April 27, 2014

Lesbians have regular carpets, too, you pervs.

Permalink: Lesbians have regular carpets, too, you pervs.

Added: April 27, 2014

Wow, Chicago--the San Francisco treat.

Permalink: Wow, Chicago--the San Francisco treat.

Added: April 13, 2014

I hate to sound like every woman ever, but I'm depressed.

Permalink: I hate to sound like every woman ever, but I'm depressed.

Added: April 13, 2014

Peter: I had an affair and I think we should talk about it.
Lois: Peter, jamming yourself into a grapefruit is not an affair.

Permalink: Peter, jamming yourself into a grapefruit is not an affair.

Added: April 13, 2014

Peter: Fresh air is bad for a kid. Look at Michael J. Fox.
Lois: What?
Peter: I don't know.

Permalink: Fresh air is bad for a kid.

Added: April 13, 2014

Peter: I am going to the Clam and I am getting my booth back! And Meg, you're gay.
Meg: No, I'm not.
Peter: You like guys, right?
Meg: Yeah.
Peter: That's called being gay.

Permalink: That's called being gay.

Added: April 07, 2014

Scumbag: Smells like this guy's already wet himself.
Peter: Don't flatter yourself--that was from this morning.

Permalink: Don't flatter yourself--that was from this morning.

Added: April 06, 2014

We're supposed to stick together! Like goatee guys at a barbecue!

Permalink: We're supposed to stick together! Like goatee guys at a barbecue!

Added: April 06, 2014

Says 'Glenn Quagmire.' But if you squint and imagine it says 'Peter Griffin,' it says 'Peter Griffin'!

Permalink: Says 'Glenn Quagmire.' But if you squint and imagine it says 'Peter Griffin,' it says 'Peter...

Added: April 06, 2014