Margaret is very vulnerable! I've had to rescue her a bunch of times from cults and an Amway pyramid.


Hey, you're blocking the driveway. Hit the road already.


That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Guys, if we don't figure out a way get out of here soon, we're never gonna make it to the escape room.

The only time I break a sweat is when we run after the ice cream truck

This is house Dunphy. We fail here.

Aww. The scarier you try to be, the more adorable you are.

Phil, we're them! We're the cover of the old people pamphlet.


Phil: Trust me I'm cool as a cucumber. Something about the coat just knows what my body needs.
Claire: You're sweating like a heroin addict.

Claire: You think maybe you're being a little hard on Luke?
Phil: We're his parents Claire, it's our job to keep him off the stripper pole.

Phil: Well good morning Leonard.
Luke: Leonard?
Phil: I know it's not the well-behaved son Luke who'd never take our car out without a license and get arrested.

Claire: Phil, duck feed!
Phil: Hey, that's almost my name.

Modern Family Quotes

Am I attracted to her? Yes. Would I ever act on it? No, no way. Not while my wife is still alive

Phil [about Desiree]

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.