Haley: Did anyone see my leopard print skirt?
Phil: I saw a leopard headband on the stairs.
Haley: That's it.

Phil: Sometimes a boy might be a good distraction. I remember a certain young lady who was pretty addicted to Miss Pacman until a dashing young gent caught her eye.
Claire: Only because you were wearing a feather earring.
Phil: It wasn't a feather, it was a dreamcatcher. And it worked.

Claire: Welcome to the insane asylum of from hell!
Phil: That's what it feels like.

Claire: You gonna put some blood on that? Maybe dangle an eyeball?
Phil: Who hurt you? I'm kidding, I know it's Jay and Dede.

I'm kind of in a delicate spot stuck between my wife and the guy next door, but I'm pretty sure I can satisfy them both simultaneously.

Being a realtor man means working on sundays. Like priests and Lesley Stahl.

Not since I fell off the roof while they were delivering our trampoline have things come together so beautifully.

If laughter is the best medicine, consider yourself grape flavored Triaminic.

Claire: This cold stops with me. Why do you think I swapped beds with Luke last night?
Phil: You did?
Luke: Appreciated the back rub. Not sure I loved being called Miss Thang.
Phil: Nooooo!

  • Permalink: Nooooo!
  • Added:

You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.

Thanks to 35 dollars on the Internet you are looking at the Good Reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.

Phil: Those drops are really hanging on. I’m like Han Solo when he came out of the carbonite. Nothing?
Alex: I get it. Star Trek.
Phil: You’re breaking my heart.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire