Did you know there's an island in Indonesia where you can hunt people?

Troy: I'm just sharing what you say.
Pierce: Yeah? Well, what if I share all the stuff you say? He thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.
Troy: There's no way to disprove that. Have you ever seen a cat penis?

Anthropology? Why study my ancient ancestors when we can just study the primitive races like Eskimos or Italians.

Look at us, living together, driving together. We're like Batman and Shaft!

I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival... but fair warning, it's my penis.

I say things others won't. That has value.

It's called a beer bong. You're not supposed to inhale, though — I almost died outside.

Jeff: There's no "Britta and Jeff."
Pierce: ... he said, fully erect.

Troy: I want TBD. Is that new?
Pierce: If it's what I think, I had it for about a month in the '70s.

Just pork her and move on. That's how we did it in my day.

Abed: He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
Pierce: If you're not, I'm sorry. If you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance.

Britta: So what's the context for constantly calling me as a lesbian?
Pierce: If the wallet chain fits... I'm just trying to help you find yourself.

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.