The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSFavorite Rajesh "Raj" Koothrappali Quotes
Raj: Woh, woh, woh! I don't want to speak to the FBI.
Leonard: Why not?
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.
Wolowitz: Sheldon. You remember the first few weeks; we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Wolowitz: That's why I added the "tator"
Raj: The only thing I've learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often, and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.
Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.
Leonard: Raj, you're our group historian. Has Sheldon ever begged before?
Raj: Three times. He begged the Fox network not to cancel 'Firefly.' He begged the TNT network to cancel 'Babylon 5.' And when he got food poisoning at the Rose Bowl Parade, he begged a deity he doesn't believe in to end his life quickly.
Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Wolowitz: Yeah, well, my people invented circumcision
Sheldon: Now, back to our game.
Raj: You were in the middle of an erection.
Sheldon: Oh, of course. It's right here in my hand.
Raj: Ahh, the premature I love you.
Wolowitz: : I guessed premature, does that count?
Raj: No, no, no, no, that rate is much too low for what you'd expect from this collision. Do you understand we're taking about dark matter colliding in outer space?
Sheldon: Yes, of course I understand, and who are you to tell me about outer space?
Raj: Well, I am the astrophysicist! Astro means space!
Sheldon: Astro means star.
Raj: Okay, let me just tell you, if we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt!
Sheldon: English is your native language!
Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.
Raj: Okay, I'm going to play it cool. Tell her, "Maybe. Whatever, babe."
Howard [translating in sign language to Emily]: He'll text you.
Sheldon [to Kripke]: Also, I am given to understand that your mother is overweight.
Raj: Oh, snap.
Sheldon: Now of course, if that is the result of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony then I withdraw that comment.
Leonard: How can you have a girlfriend you can't even speak to women?
Raj: Two words: deaf chick. It doesn't matter if i can't talk cause she can't hear me.
Leonard: What?
Raj: That's what she said.
