Tater tots and a party invitation. What a great day.

Cute is for puppies. I want to be something sexy, like a labradoodle.

I know the feeling. It's like accidentally walking into a gay bar and then having no one hit on you. It happened to a friend of mine.

Howard: Oh I'm not hot enough for Angelina Jolie?
Raj: I'd like to weigh in here: No.

I'd like to raise two points, #1 I think they are talking about penises, and #2 these Mimosas are kicking my little brown ass.

Raj: Last night I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side by side mansions. But there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?
Howard: It means that after we play handball I'm showering at home.

Leonard's going all alpha-nerd on Sheldon's ass!

Hey, why am I in charge with phone support? Seems a bit racist.

Leonard wake up! You're missing some very excellent superhero quips!

Wolowitz: He got bit by a radioactive rat.
Raj: Did he get superpowers?
Wolotiz: No, he got five stitches and a tetanus shot.

Wolowitz: What kind of spaceship has a hole in the middle?
Raj: A Romulan battle bagel?

Please don't send me back to India! It's so crowded. It's like the whole country is one endless Comic-Con, except everyone's wearing the same costume -- Indian Guy.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.