The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSRajesh "Raj" Koothrappali Quotes
Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Wolowitz: Yeah, well, my people invented circumcision
Wolowitz: Okay, you two have to back off.
Raj: Why should I back off? You back off, dude.
Leonard: Excuse me, this is my apartment, and she's my roommate's sister.
Howard: So what? You've already got Penny.
Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny?
Wolowitz: So, I can have Penny?
Leonard: Hell, no!
Leonard: Come on, guys, push!
Howard: If I push any harder I'm gonna give birth to my colon.
Raj: I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up!
Sheldon: It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go—basic physics.
Raj: Sheldon, if my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one
Raj: Too bad, I called dibs.
Wolowitz: You can't just call dibs.
Raj: I can, and I did. Look up "dibs" in Wikipedia.
Sheldon: Dibs does not apply in a bidding war
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal Tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice—gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass
Wolowitz: Oh, more details about the new Star Trek film. There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.
Sheldon: Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating—or if you will, pon farr—it's an extremely private matter.
Leonard: Still, I'd like to know the details. His mother was human; his father was Vulcan. They couldn't just conceive.
Wolowitz: Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears?
Raj [referring to Dennis Kim]: Do you know what he did? He watched me work for ten minutes and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.
Leonard: Is that even possible?
Raj: As it turns out, yes
Raj: We need a social catalyst.
Leonard: Like what? We can't get 15-year-old girls drunk.
Wolowitz: Or can we...!?
If we were in India this would be simpler. Five minutes with her dad, 20 goats and a laptop, and it would be done
Raj [on approaching a girl]
Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
Lalita: Really? So do I!
Raj: But you're a dentist, he's nuts
How can I be a gynocologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!
I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astrophysics... but with a penis, of course
