Malory: Ray, get your purse and take some midol, you're going back for him.
Ray: According to these notes from my doctor, a radiologist and my new neurologist I am doing no such thing.

Malory: And if that's my pantsuit you're stretching out I'll have your guts for garters.
Gillette: You NEED some garters.

Oh, rocket launchers. My car is slowing down for no apparent reason. Just must be out of... carburetor

Gillette: He's like a thousand.
Lana: You won't be having sex with him.
Gillette: Well, wait, he is a Duke.
Lana: No means no.

Archer: I have a plan that doesn't involve you stealing my toiletries.
Gillette: You're not using them.
Archer: Yes, I am
Gillette: Go look at your pores and then tell me you're using them

Gillette: Archer is drunk.
Malory: Who are you, Carrie Nation?

Gillette: How much?
Archer: It's hard to say. $800,000?
Gillette: You lost 800 grand!?
Archer: No, remaining.

Malory: I am not sharing a room with you.
Gillette: No, I'm sharing it with you and it's the last room in the hotel. Mo view but it's got two queens.
Malory: Where's the other one, greasing up in the bathroom?

Gillette: My mother told me she loved me all the time.
Malory: Exactly, look how you turned out.
Gillette: Uh, with high self esteem?

Rona: Where's my journal?
Pam: I maybe kind of sort of took it?
Gillette: Why would you do that?
Cheryl: Did you think it was meat?

Lana: Did you see me holding that baby?
Gillette: Look liked Tyson holding that dove.

Give her the rabbit, Lenny!

Archer Quotes

KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?

It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.

Archer