Ron Swanson Quotes
Ron: I understand that city codes exist. And I know why they exist. And I understand that you enforce them.
Mark: OK.
Ron: OK, good talk. Can you sign off on my plans now?
Those dates are arbitrary. They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies to put on yogurt and medicine.
Mark: You've got hazardous chemicals over here.
Ron: Yeah, which only I am breathing. It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car?
Mark: Ron, none of this is up to code.
Ron: Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson code.
Hey, Mark. Welcome to my haven. You're the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years.
Leslie: Ron will show you around.
Ron: Um, right this way is the exit.
Elise: But, if you give a women's award to a mustacheoed, masculine man such as yourself, well then eventually people take notice.
Ron: I don't want the damn thing.
Elise: Well we're giving it to you. So, you're going to take it, like a man. So congratulations.
Ron: Come on Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
Leslie: You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.
Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner because I've won an award.
Which of these objects most represents women for this portrait? A pot? Or this deputy director Barbie? Isn't it adorable? She's got a little briefcase, her cell phone.
Be proud of yourself. You deserve an award. Not this one, obviously. This one belongs to me. But some other one. Some other lesser award.
Awards are stupid, which is why I fully intend to decline this nonsense and recommend it go to Leslie because she works really hard and I don't. However, she cares way too much about crap like this, which is why I can't pass up this opportunity to tease her about it.
