Kurt: Are we all set in there?
Santana: If by all set do you mean did I light the candy cane scented candles on the toilet, then yes, we're all set.
[to Starchild] Would you mind just stepping outside for a moment while I bitch slap some sense into my friend.
Santana: He was a much better person than I am.
Kurt: That is true. But Finn really cared about you. And I don't think he would've done all those things if he didn't think you were decent, too.
Okay, I know that Finn had his doubts about God, but I am convinced that Squishyteets is up in Heaven right now, plopped down next to his new best friend Fat Elvis, helping themselves to a picnic of baby back ribs smothered in butterscotch pudding and tater tot grease. So, this is for you, Hudson.
Sue: I don't care for your attitude.
Santana: Well I don't give a hot wet monkey's ass what you care for.
Santana: You wanted that memorial gone because you're such a cold-hearted bitch.
Sue: What did you just call me?
Santana: A miserable, self-centered bitch who has spent every waking minute of the past three years trying to make our lives miserable. I'm officially over it.
Isn't it amazing how life seems so easy when you just don't give a fart? I mean look at this. Hummel is getting married. Berry is just full of confidence. And I finally have a girlfriend who I don't have to worry about straying for penis.
I mean, if you're producing that much yeast you should probably start a bakery.
[to Rachel] Okay, no, come on. You are not playing Yenta the lesbian matchmaker.
Rachel, that's Gunther. [whispers] Don't tell him if you're Jewish or black.
Santana: You're acting like a completely different person and it's making me sad.
Brittany: Well get over it because sadness is stupid.
The last thing I want to do is pay 30 grand a year to get a degree for doing something that I'm already freaking Wonder Woman at.