Fez: I am telling you. I heard it. The devil is singing backwards on the record!
Hyde: It's not the devil, man! It's congress. They passed a secret law to put backward messages in our records, man! They wanna kill rock 'n roll because they know it makes us horny, man!
Eric: Doesn't pretty much everything make us horny? (stuffs a Twinkie in his mouth)
Kelso: Cartoons make me horny! Oh, and food!

Disco is from hell, okay. And not the cool part of hell with all the murderers, but the lameass part with the accountants.

Fez: Kelso is my friend, I cannot take his woman.
Hyde: You're a good man, Fez.
Fez: Actually, I could take his woman, but I won't.

Eric: Alright, how do you get the beer out?
Hyde: Through the tap.
Eric: What tap?
(everyone notices there isn't a tap on the keg.)

Hyde: ...Let's drink beer!
Kelso: Me first!
Donna: No way! I spotted it!
Kelso: Nah, I saw it too. I just didn't say anything!
Hyde: You saw a keg and you didn't say anything?! BACK OF THE LINE!

Ricky: Tell me, what do you consider your best quality?
Eric: Well, I'm a real people person.
Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Kelso: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt too.

Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains!
Kelso: Rock star. No, a movie star No, wait. Yeah. Rock star.
Hyde: Prison.

(after Jackie calls Eric stupid)
Hyde: Well, this is a first. I actually agree with Jackie.
Eric: What? You're saying that I'm stupid?
Hyde: Donna just put on the full court press, man, and you dropped the ball.
Eric: What are you talking about? All she said was she'd be alone on Saturday night with a pizza... Oh God, I'm so stupid.

Fez: She [Jackie] will crush him [Kelso], yes?
Hyde: Like the spirit of your Mayan forefathers.
Fez (laughing): My forefathers were not Mayan.
Hyde: Like anyone cares.

(talking about how "whipped" Kelso is, imitating Jackie's voice)
Hyde: Michael, call me at 8:00.
Eric: Michael, do your Chico impression.
Fez: Michael, rub oil on my thighs while I spank you.
(Kelso, Hyde, and Eric all look at Fez, surprised)
Fez: Please, someone else talk now.

Hyde: I'm going to write an awesome slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass!
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?

(Laurie comes to the basement to do laundry, wearing only a long t-shirt)
Laurie...I want you to stay off my case, it will only take me a minute.
Eric: I don't think Kelso's gonna last that long.
Laurie: Too bad. It's not like I'm completely naked under this. I'm wearning underwear. (she lifts her shirt) See? If we were at the beach you wouldn't even notice me.
Hyde: If we were at the beach, Kelso would be in the water right now.

That 70's Show Quotes

Eric: If my dad catches me copping beers he'll kill me.
Hyde: I'm willing to take that risk.

Kitty: Well, the kids are off. I wonder where they went.
Red: Out of town.
Kitty: How do you know?
Red: I told them not to.