Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXStewie Griffin Quotes
Dammit Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together! We were gonna become windsurfers! I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good.
How does it feel to be the least-cultured person at a bus station?
Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.
Look, it's not like we've got a lot to live for. I'm just going to end up like Chris, only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am.
The porn is free but we have to watch it in the lobby.
It says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh...the continent is Africa.
Stewie: I haven't had this much fun since I hosted the Oscars! (cutaway scene starts)
Stewie: Good evening. I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for women everywhere. And also the Jews. Good night.
(Newspaper spins in: "Best Oscars Ever!")
You see that, Brian? That's going to be our penises later, right?
Brian: Oh my god, Stewie, it worked! We're in Vegas!
Stewie: Yeah, alright! Let's go to the hospital, get checked for teleportation cancer, and then party!
Lois: Oh my God! We've been burglarized!
Stewie: Well, we'll just have to get that $17 insurance check and start over.
Lois: Look, I realize Quahog isn't the small town it used to be, but it's still very special to me. It's my home.
Stewie: Yeah, come on guys, she's got dyed roots in this community.
Lois: An increase in crime? That can't be right. I haven't noticed anything like that.
Stewie: You're in the house 14 hours a day, what would you notice?
