Ted Mosby Quotes
Marshall: This is it. Last. Cigarette. Ever!
Ted: What are you doing? You haven't smoked in six months? Is this about the McRib? Seriously, dude. Let it go.
Barney: Remember when we used to be able to smoke IN bars?
[flash back to smoke-filled haze]
Ted: Hey dude, I think that hot girl over there is smiling at me.
Barney: Uhh, that's a chair. But yeah, dude, hit that!
Ted: They're dividing our group into smokers and non-smokers. That's not healthy.
Barney: You're right. [pause] Let's go have a smoke!
Barney: I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlaps, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day The Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course, wait for it, cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares.
Ted: Why are you smoking right now?
Barney: I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
Ted: Come on, take it to the roof, we said no smoking after you torched the throw rug doing push ups.
Marshall: Yeah, God robin. Not only is that a filthy habit... but can I bum one?
Robin: See my show?
Ted: I meant to watch it. I was just so busy with the being asleep thing, it took eight hours right down the drain.
Student: You just wrote "Maggie" on the board?
Ted: Oh. That? No. It stands for: Make ... adjustments ... go ... get it energized!
Student: We get you for the full hour.
Ted: Oh come on. Who really wants to sit here and listen to me blab about bridges for an hour? [hands go up; Ted is moved] Really?!
Barney: [on phone] Ten minutes and the window's closed.
Ted: What? Ten minutes?!
Barney: Because we're bros.
Ted: I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing but I think I'm ready again.
Barney: Yeah...let me tell you were I'm at.. I want to have sex with a girl so I can take off these overalls.
Jim: I've been in love with her for five years.
Ted: I've been in love with her for twelve years.
Barney: I've been in these overalls for an hour and a half.
Ted: I sent a cab with a female driver so she would have no other male interaction until she came to me.
Barney: Where she will still have no interaction with a man. What up? I feel good tonight. Tonight's gonna be good.
