Ted Mosby Quotes
Ted: She didn't even give me the signal!
Barney: What, is she gonna bat her eyes at you in morse code? [bats eyes] Ted... kiss me. No! You just kiss her!
Ted: Not if you don't get the signal!
[Barney spontaneously kisses Marshall]
Barney: Did Marshall give me the signal?
Marshall: No! [to Lily] I didn't, I swear!
Robin: My friend just got dumped, so tonight all men are "the Enemy".
Ted: If it would make your friend feel better, you can throw a drink in my face.
Robin: She would love that!
Ted: That was not the signal!
Older Ted: I asked her about it years later, and, yes, that was the signal
Ted: Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. I want our first kiss to be amazing.
Lily: Aw Ted, that is so sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch?
Barney [playing laser tag, on phone with Ted]: Hey, loser. How's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! [kid fires at Barney as he runs by] Oh, I killed you, Conner! Don't make me get your mom!
Ted: Hey, listen, I need your help on something.
Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!
Narrator Ted: It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday."
Ted: Hey Barney, see that girl?
Barney: Oh yeeeahh, you just know she likes it dirty. Go say hi.
Ted: I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily: the night you met, your first date, other first things...
Marshall: Huh-uh-uh, yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep.
Ted: It's physics Marshall, if the bottom bunk moves the top bunk moves too
Barney: Dude.. where's your suit? Just once, when I say "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit.
Ted: I did, that one time.
Barney: It was a blazer
Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit.
Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool, exhibit A. [points to his own suit] Lesson three, don't even think about getting married til you're thirty.