The Devil Quotes
Sam, life's too short to drink domestic
Driver: Go to Hell, jerk!
Devil: I'll meet you there, Bruce. You know that little thing on his neck? Not a freckle
Devil: Forget about the contract.
Sam: No, no. I wanna see it.
Devil: But why?
Sam: Because I wanna know my rights.
Devil: Oh, that's easy. You don't have any
Sam: Give me the vessel.
Devil: No, no, no, no. I do not like this tone at all. What's the problem?
Sam: Ted wants to promote me to assistant manager of the plumbing department.
Devil: Promotion? Well, congratulations! Make sure you get the 401(k).
Sam: No, no, don't congratulate me. He's saying that I'm going to spend the rest of my life here at the Work Bench.
Devil: You know, I don't get you, Sammy. You don't want to work here at this place, you don't want to work for me. What exactly do you want?
Sam: Just something that doesn't suck.
Devil: Well, one of these days, maybe you'll come up with a little better plan than that, huh?
Devil: Look at that badass.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Devil: You man, you. The way you faced off with that soul. "Are we gonna do this hard way or easy way?" Ooh, I got chills. Seriously
He was electrocuted in Hell every day that he was down there. That's the kind of thing that makes a person crazy. That's what I do best
You know, Sam, you're a lucky man. You're home during the day, all the wonderful daytime television to watch. When does Ellen come on?
Sam: Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about that. I don't think I'm the guy who should be taking on the forces of evil.
Devil: No?
Sam: I know you own my soul and all, but I think the world would be better off if I worked for you in a lesser capacity.
Devil: Such as?
Sam: Well.. I haven't come up with the full plan or anything. Maybe I could get the word out, you know, be a recruiter. I could start my own Satanic web site, with evil design and then have really cool devil graphics or something.
Devil: Business is booming, Sam, I don't need any help with recruiting
Isn't Nature magnificent? Beautiful, angry, soothing, merciless. It's perfection, don't you think? Gotta give... whatshisface credit
Sam: Do I have to go to Hell now?
Devil: Now? No, no, no, not now. You're gonna work for me now in the Earthly Realm.
Sam: You mean, like, kill people?
Devil: Wow. You're a real pessimist. Of course you won't be murdering anyone. You're just going to bring escaped souls back to Hell. You know, like a bounty hunter. That's cool, right?
Sam: Wait a minute, so people can break out of Hell?
Devil: Yeah. That's a problem we've been having lately, what with overcrowding and so forth. Honestly, we were underprepared for the influx. I blame myself. But that's not your problem. All you have to do is track down fugitives and haul their asses over to a portal to Hell. Easy.
Sam: What do you mean by portal?
Devil: Well, any place that seems like Hell on Earth, is Hell on Earth, you know? The DMV on Union Street? Yeah, drop off a fugitive, renew your license. I'm all about the perks.
Sam: Oh, my God.
Devil: Hey, kiddo, it's okay. I've seen how this all ends. Don't worry, God wins
