Carla: Thank you! Is this for when we buy the baby a dog?
Janitor: No! It's a baby cage! It's a good one too! See? When I was a kid, mine didn't have these windows! It's perfect! When you want to go out to dinner, it's already got a water bottle in it, so you just throw in some cedar chips in there so the baby can poop... you're made in the shade!
(Silence)
Janitor: I'm kidding! It's for when they buy the baby a.. uh.. uh.. a puppy!
Everyone: Ohhh..

(On the phone) No mom! Playpen and baby cage is not like "toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe."

Dr. Kelso: I don't want to do this.
Janitor: I will just give the video tape to the police.
Dr. Kelso: Ladies and gentle, this is your chief of medical staff Bob Kelso, I feel compelled to tell you that I do in fact fear the Janitor. Honestly, is there anyone else of such brilliant mind? So please join me basking in the glow of the Janitors awesome... This isn't a word.
Janitor: Read it!
Dr. Kelso: ...'Fearatude'. Good night.
Janitor: ...and good luck! I love that movie.

I'll do it. I shouldn't be mopping in here anyway...this is a rug.

Janitor

J.D.: You stole my video camera with all the scenes from 'Dr. Acula' the vampire movie I'm making.
Janitor: Why do you think I stole it?
J.D.: I don't know, maybe because I was surfing the hospitals website and I saw that someone posted the 'Dr. Acula delivers a baby and then eats it' scene. Someone with the screen name 'Rotinaj'. 'Rotinaj' is Janitor spelled backwards Rotinaj.
Janitor: Good morning Dr. Rotinaj!
Dr. Rotinaj: Good morning Mr. Clean Up Man.

Troy: Oh, your face is red like a 'strawbrary'.
Janitor: Don't have kids.

J.D.: (Looking at his destroyed bicycle) What the hell?!
Janitor: (Holding a softball bat) Its a riddle. Two guys destroyed your bike with a softball bat and a crowbar. One of them wasnt me.
J.D.: Oh! Thats what happened to my old bike!

Janitor: Hey, we solved your stupid game.
Troy: Yeah, we have been to the libary.
Janitor: ...'brary' Troy, library.

Janitor: Okay, two coins equals 30 cents, no nickles. I swear, we've done this before...Come on man! You went to Yale, for god sake!
Troy: Relax...I figured it out.
Janitor: A penny and... a button that you wrote '29 cents' on. You think I don't recognize your hand writing?
Troy: Can't we just kill him?
Janitor: How's therapy going?

(To J.D.) Hey, come over here. We want to do stuff to you.

Elliot: Oh it was so sad.
Janitor: I know! When I first heard about it I was like, "Whoa! No way!"
J.D.: You don't even know what we are talking about.
Janitor: Sure I do - the donkey-boy on ICU.
Carla: We are talking about Dr. Cox.
Janitor: Oh...Well if anyone is interested, there is a donkey-boy in the ICU.

Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with the wrench, or I could stab you in the gut with the knife. Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe.

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: You were wrong and I was right.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
J.D.: Anosmia isn't a side-effect of I.V. Imipenem. Plus, Mr. Blair had multiple nasal polypectomies, and septoplasty; and his loss of smell is most likely caused by repeated manipulation of the sinuses along with concurrent infection. So, I didn't make a mistake; and you were wrong when you said, "Nice goin', Newbie."
Dr. Cox: Here you've put me in a tough situation: I can't honestly decide whether to say, "Duh," uh, "Doy," or a very sarcastic, "Oh, really?" My God, Fiona, I know it wasn't your fault; hell, the patient probably knows! But he seemed a little distraught, like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two just might make him feel a little better? And, I know, maybe it's me, but doesn't that seem like something that goes right along with wearing that fancy white coat? It... does, doesn't it.
J.D.: Kinda.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm so proud of ya. Put her there.
He hold out his hand
Dr. Cox: Woof.
J.D.'s Narration: "Woof?"

Janitor: And it's no good to hide it from me, 'cause I got keys to everything. Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one.
Dr. Kelso: Was he smoking a gavel?
Janitor: Seemed to be.