Janitor: Well the good news is his head isn't in the storage room. 'Cause I once found a head in the storage room. Funny story actually; I put it in my locker 'cause I didn't have time to go to lost and found, went on a long week and forgot all about it. Come back to work on monday, open my locker, WAH, head. Plus, rats. I panicked 'cause I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed the thing and ran up to the roof, and I punt it, and I shank it wide left like I always do. Now, it's heading straight down right for Kelso sitting in his convertable. I'm done. I'm out of a job right? Wrong! At that second a hawk flies in, grabs the thing, and flies off with it. And I know what you're thinking; we're in the middle of a city. What's a hawk doing there?
Carla: I can't believe you get a locker and I don't.

Carla: Hey you know wha- More armour?
Janitor: No, actually I'm uh, sneaking trays out of the cafeteria... I'm building a shed.

Carla: Kelso's gonna kill me. I can't find Mr. Sommers.
Janitor: Did you look between Mr. Spring and Mr. Fall? Ha ha, too easy.

Carla: Ow! What, are you wearing a cup?
Janitor: Well, people try to hit me there more than you think.

Lonnie: Yar. (The Janitor popsicles him) God! Why?
Janitor: You combined "you" and "are". "Yar". It made no sense.

(Over walkie-talkie) J.D., this isblack surgeon that you're always hanging out with. Come on outside to the ramp, dawg.

Good morning loyal subjects! Enjoy your day in Janitoria. Labor until you tire, and then labor some more! Looks like rain. That could be a problem.

Dr. Kelso: Is that Ted and a bunch of damn bikers?
Janitor: Why do you hate bikes so much, sir?
(Flashback with Kelso's childhood and his father)
Kelso's Father: Son, daddy has to move on. I just want you to know that since the car is in your mother's name, I wouldn't be able to leave the family forever if it wasn't for your bike.
(Present Day)
Dr. Kelso: It's complicated.

(as he lets Sanchez go) Tienes mi corazon! Tienes mi corazon.

In J.D.'s room
Janitor: I come by here a couple times a week and move stuff around. Turn off his alarm. Maybe cut his bangs.
Dr. Cox: You're clearly in need of help but darn it, I'm not gonna give it to you. How sound a sleeper do you think he is?
Janitor: Well, watch this.
Janitor hits the bed and J.D. sits up then lies down again
J.D.: Why?

J.D.: How did you know I'd move too fast with Julie?
Elliot: Because I know you!
Dr. Cox: How do you know that I can be that kind of dad?
Carla: Because I know you!
Turk: How did you that Kelso just wanted respect?
Janitor: Because I know him!
Todd: (Watching in the security cameras) Wow! This is so cool!

Janitor: Anyway, thanks for coming to the audition in that costume!
Todd: What costume?

Scrubs Quotes

Dr. Kelso: You know, you hurt my feelings earlier.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, you are a soulless creature from the netherworld who doesn't really have feelings

[Dr. Cox telling Kelso how much he misses him...]
Dr. Cox: When you were the Chief, you were a jackass and a nightmare and I hated you a great deal.
Dr. Kelso: That's a good start