Ben: Last time I took it, I was a Tom.
Tom: What?! No, no, no, no!! Take it again! Ugh, I have to go recalibrate the quiz!

I love you, you're one of my best friends, but you have betrayed me and everything you stand for! You've changed.

Tom: It's a whole documentary of my failures!
Lucy: That you made!

Lucy, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to marry me.

To me! I own two restaurants, as well as several other properties. As long as we're celebrating.

Ron does this weird thing where he says exactly what he means. Just ignore him.

All the sushi is made by fish, previously owned by celebrities.

Treat yo' self -- in Beverly Hills!

Tom: In the words of Jerry Maguire.
Andy: The human head ways eight pounds.

Tom: Tom Haverford? That's nice, but I don't think we can consider me a celebrity.
Donna: That's your handwriting.

Andy: Head coach of the Chicago Bulls.
Tom: No he's uhh, we're with a non profit -
Andy: What!? No! Am I? That sucks.

I'm awesome at being humble.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy

Leslie: Yellow haired female... likes waffles and news.
Ann: Sexy, well-read blonde... loves the sweeter things in life.
Leslie: Much better.
Ann: Hobbies?
Leslie: Organizing my agenda. Wait, that doesn't sound fun...jammin' on my planner!
Ann: Favorite place?
Leslie: Upstairs there's this mural of wildflowers, and I like to sit on a bench in front of it.
Ann: Really? It could be anywhere in the world: Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon...
Leslie: Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
Ann: What about an actual meadow, where wildflowers are?
Leslie: Eww, Ann, I'm scared of bees, mural!
Ann: Okay, what do you think of dogs?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Cats?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Fish?
Leslie: Love!
Ann: Turtles?
Leslie: No opinion. They're condescending.
Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.