Sorry about my partner. He's been on my edge ever since we switched.

Clean up on aisle busted.

Starburns: Where's the ketchup?
Troy: That doesn't make sense! Ketchup is a condiment!

Pierce: I fell asleep in a sun beam.
Abed: Likely story.
Troy: Actually it is. I used to live with him. It's sort of adorable.

Troy: How did we get the short straw?
Abed: It's not a short straw. It's a hot potato.
Troy: Yeah, well, it looks pretty cold to me.
Abed: Cold or dead?.
Troy: Survey says...
Abed: We can't both do the zinger.

I don't want you to break his brain.

Troy [about Abed]

She was born in the 80s, she still uses her phone as a phone!

Troy [about Britta]

Troy: Vice Dean Laybourne. You have a beard. And a ponytail.
Laybourne : I'm going through some stuff right now, Troy. Don't worry about it.

All difficult things are better. Like carrying a disease. Or holding a fart right now.

If you have anything else do say, say it in a high-pitched voice while walking backwards.

Abed is a magical elf-like man who makes us all more magical by being near him.

Look Abed, you know I'd do anything you did, but I'm a Jehovah's Witness, we're not supposed to celebrate Christmas.

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.