The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXWaylon Smithers Quotes
Mr. Burns: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (cackles evily) There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!
Smithers: I prepared a special musical number for Jack's special night.
Smithers: There is a man.
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man.
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name.
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns.
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke.
Mr. Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Mr. Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Mr. Burns: I'm MR. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty, but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns.
Mr. Burns: Burns!
Marge: What do I do?
Smithers: Heh, heh, heh. Marge, please! According to your resume, you invented this machine.
Smithers: This resume is very impressive. Let me be the first to say "Abibu gazini".
Marge: What?
Smithers: Welcome aboard. I guess my Swahili's not as good as yours.
Mr. Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
Smithers: Wanna buy some cookies, wanna buy some cookies?
(Santa's Little Helper runs up to Smithers and greets him)
Burns: If that were a real girl scout, I would have been bothered by now!
Burns: You, Strawberry, hit a home run.
Strawberry: Okay, skip.
(hits a home run)
Burns: Ha-ha! I told him to do that.
Smithers: Brilliant strategy sir.
Smithers: (Interviewing Homer) Now, let's say there's a problem with the reactor--
Homer: There's a problem with the reactor?! We're all gonna die!
Mr. Burns: Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name.
(About Homer) This man not only failed the aptitude test, he got trapped in a closet on the way out.
Mr. Burns: I wanted to give you something to remember me by, I know you've always had your eye on this photo of Elvis and me!
Smithers: He was so good to mother, sir!
Mr. Burns: Yes, but I couldn't understand a word that man said! (Impersonating Elvis) Mistah Burrs, duhs a boom hang gasson for hound dawg!
Smithers: (Laughing) Stop it, you're killing me sir!
