Charlie: Hey, Alan.
Alan: I'm in the shower.
Charlie: Guess what I'm gonna do with Mia?
Alan: Guess what I'm already doing with Kandi!
Kandi: That's not fair, Alan, you have to give him a hint.
Alan: He doesn't need a hint.
Kandi: Well then how is he supposed to guess? Oh, well. Oh, look, a place to hang my washcloth!

Charlie Harper, Alan Harper, Kandi
Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 24: "That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite"
Two and a Half Men
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Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 24 Quotes

Charlie [about Rose]: Did she just use the front door?
Alan: Uh huh.
Charlie: She's never used the front door before.
Alan: Uh Uh. What happened out there?
Charlie: Well, I told her I was going to marry Mia. And I think I could actually see her medication stop working.
Alan: What do you think she is going to do?
Charlie: The question is not what, it's when. And how I'm gonna enjoy my honeymoon with my testicles glued to my ass crack

Charlie: So basically, I asked her to marry me, and she said "yes."
Jake: Hah
Alan: What do you think about that, Jake?
Jake: Good.
Charlie: That's it? Good?
Jake: It's not good?
Charlie: No, it's good.
Jake: That's what I said. Alright, I'm full
Alan: Wears his little heart on his sleeve, doesn't h?.
Charlie: It's my own fault. I should have known better than to talk to him at feeding time