Charlie: I am sorry about the hermaphroditic incident.
Alan: "I'm sorry" does not make up for leaving me in a hotel room with a girl who had a vestigial penis.
Charlie: I didn't know! I was as surprised as you were!
Alan: Charlie, no one was as surprised as I was

Charlie Harper, Alan Harper
Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 14: "That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami"
Two and a Half Men
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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 14 Quotes

Charlie: I just thought you two might hit it off. I'm even making a little welcome basket for you to give to her.
Alan: So, she's beautiful, rich and single. Why would she want me? I'm broke, middle-aged, twice-divorced, sleeping on your hide-a-bed, and sharing custody of a flatulent, underachieving son.
Charlie: We're gonna need a bigger basket.
Berta: We're gonna need chloroform and a rope

Danielle: Oh, no, how will I stay warm?
Charlie: I recommend the buddy system.
Danielle: You're cute.
Charlie: I know