Alan: I went over Donna's house to break up with her.
Charlie: I'm proud of you.
Alan: Thanks... You're gonna meet her parents next weekend.
Charlie: But you just said...
Alan: I know what I said, but I just couldn't do it. I'm not capable of rejecting another human being.
Charlie: Wow, you would think after all these years, you'd want to get even.

Charlie Harper, Alan Harper
Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 11: "Meander to Your Dander"
Two and a Half Men
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 11 Quotes

Jake: In ultimate fighting they kick, they elbow, they get a guy down and smash his head in the floor. These guys just dance around and barely hit each other.
Charlie: Okay, okay, listen to me. Boxing is a science. Boxers don't just wail on each other: they strategize, feel each other out, wait for an opening.
Jake: Gay.

I once handed a date my Visa so she could pump gas for me, and on my next statement, there were charges for a boob job and a PlayStation 3. And I never got to play with either one of them.