Evelyn: It's one thing to diddle the help, but another thing to dine with them.
Alan: Naomi's not the help.
Evelyn: Oh, forgive me. She's the maid's round-heeled daughter. I mean, I'd expect this from Charlie. He'd hump a grilled cheese sandwich.
Charlie: Thanks, Mom

Charlie Harper, Alan Harper, Evelyn Harper
Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 12: "Castrating Sheep in Montana"
Two and a Half Men
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Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Evelyn Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 12 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 12 Quotes

Berta: Well, you let me know if you need anything.
Alan: I will.
Berta: Ironing, groceries, I could lance that ear for you.
Alan: No, thanks.
Berta: I know what I'm doing. I spent a summer castrating sheep in Montana

Evelyn: You know it's tacky to arrive empty-handed. Perhaps we should stop and get a box of wine or some aerosol cheese.
Charlie: Whoa! Mom, you're on fire tonight!
Evelyn: It's the new meds. They mix well with liquor.
Alan: This was a bad idea.
Evelyn: Charlie, didn't you tell him that's the gay ear?