Evelyn: Listen, if I had gotten married after every weekend of hot, sweaty debauchery with a virtual stranger, you'd have, well, many more stepfathers than you already have.
Charlie: She knows what she's talking about, Alan. Mom's been on more hotel pillows than a chocolate mint

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Charlie Harper, Evelyn Harper
Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 8: "Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers"
Two and a Half Men
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Charlie Harper Quotes, Evelyn Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

Alan: What kind of man chooses sex with an insatiably hot stranger over quality time with his little boy?
Charlie: Oh! I don't know, the kind of man who's been married for twelve years and had sex twelve times?

Alan: I need you to watch Jake for the rest of the weekend so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas and get married.
Charlie: Oh, God, Alan! There's no need to marry the woman! If you don't want to have sex anymore just tell her!