Bret: Okay, Dave, do you have any special skills?
Dave: I can make a weapon out of pretty much anything. Like when I'm gardening, some a-hole tries to sneak up and take me out - watering can tied to a hose. (whipping noises) Cops show up, "What's that, officer? Just watering the geroniums."

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Bret, Dave
Flight of the Conchords Season 2 Episode 3: "The Tough Brets"
Flight of the Conchords
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Flight of the Conchords Season 2 Episode 3 Quotes

Murray: Okay guys, notes on yesterday's gig. We got several complaints about the noise. You gotta remember this is in a library. Bear that in mind.
Bret: Yeah, but it's so hard to play there 'cause everyone wants us to be quiet.
Jemaine: They keep shushing us.
Murray: They're trying to read!
Bret: We may as well not be there if we're not gonna make any sound.
Murray: Well, you can make sound, just make it so people can't hear you

Jemaine: Bret dissed alot of people in that rap thing that he did.
Murray: Who were these people you were dissing? The only one I could make out was Snoopy! What's your problem with him?
Bret: No, Snoop Dogg.
Murray: Yeah, I know he's a dog, Bret. I'm not totally in the dark ages. I do go out every once in a while. But, Snoopy's lovable! Leave him alone