The Greens are sharp as a tack right to the end. Which makes the end more terrifying. My father died screaming.

Professor Green

I'm sorry, did you just snort at our House majority leader?


When he saw these (reveals shoes) he asked me when my cult was committing suicide.


[to Liz] Did the medical supply store where you bought those shows have any women's stuff?


Help mommy's baby.


Liz Lemon, I may hug people too hard and get lost at malls, but I'm not an idiot.


[on knowing his mom was out shopping] I know. My credit card company called to confirm my purchase of the book "Intercourse After Hip Surgery."


A guy like Paul, who can drive at night? You just don't say say no to that!

Jack's mom

Now you're standing on the very spot where Grace Allen took Jack Parr's virginity.


[on treating Liz differently] Well, I pay you a little less.


[on what the crew holds back from Liz] Farts, for one thing.


[on his pig] She went crazy. She bit off my nutsack, that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels.


30 Rock Season 3 Quotes

Liz: Excuse me, Mr. 'Winerslav' -
Jeffrey Weinerslav: It's pronounced, "Weinerslave.

If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's to keep your friends close and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.