Perhaps one day we'll live in a world where you ask us to pretend to be scientists.

Dot Com

Avery: I have a thing for commanding salt and pepper types. I don't know why. I think it started when I walked in on my parents the day Reagan was shot.
Jack: I wouldn't over-analyze that.

Hey Jack, whadya need? Arena rock anthem? Power ballad?

Jon Bon Jovi

There are some things that are actually harder to do with two people, like ... monologues.


Wow, Avery Jessup, she's hot. She was on Maxim's I'd Rape Her 100.


Your ghost is going to see some disgusting stuff.


Valentine's Day is a sham created by greeting card companies to reinforce gender stereotypes.


Could a bad mom have raised a daughter who was engaged to a Congressman when she was 16?


While you were talking, I put a thumb tack in my neck. Makes me feel something.


Mothers. You can't kill them...


Can I just tell you that I'm genuinely having fun right now?


Oh, I'm not offering. I'm just taking a survey to guage general interest.


30 Rock Season 4 Quotes

I went to college in Boston. Well, not in Boston, but nearby. No, not Tufts!


My dear friend Moby just opened a tea house in Park Slope. Do you know him?