Yes my daughter is Canadien-American, but I'm going to treat her just like a human baby.

Jack

Carol: I will waste you!
Liz: You'll have to go through this old bastard first.

Liz: And you're no better Carol. You built that bookshelf incorrectly.
Carol: I did not. I wanted the books to slide off.

Pete: You ever hear of the Peter Principle?
Tracy: Yes! Just now.

Cornell Commencement address? Sorry but Tracy Jordan doesn't do safety schools.

Tracy

Those potato chip bags are designed to be opened in flight. You open 'em at sea level, somebody could be killed.

Carol

Maybe you just wanna fly the plane yourself. Well good luck pressing take off, then auto pilot, then land.

Carol

You wanna know a little pilot secret, besides the fact we get a discount a Sunglass Hut?

Carol

Bellboy: What is so bad about being Canadian?
Jack: Your milk comes in bags...bags.
Avery: Your pavilion at Epcot doesn't have a ride!

Not only is your fly open, there's a pencil sticking out of it.

Jack [to Liz]

I never sleep on planes. I don't wanna get "incepted."

Jack

Call me Hank, or "Hey Idiot" like my wife does.

Hank

30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Jack: My naturally blonde lady love and I basked in the three S's: surf, sun and ...
Liz: Sandwiches?

No Tom Jones, no!

Liz (wakes up)