Well, one of my New Year's resolutions was to say yes. Yes to love. Yes to life. Yes to staying in more!


The airline lost my luggage and the only place to buy anything on the island was at the tennis pro shop. Luckily I had the essentials in my carry-on; toiletries, closed toed shoes, and the State Department recommended mosquito head net.


Milton: Listen to me damn it, I'm a doctor.
Jack: Of history. In what emergency would you be necessary? If someone wanted to know whether the 60s were awesome or not?
Milton: They were!

It's about the party! I want to eat shrimp off an old gay dressed as baby new year.


Milton: Think of what I've lost...going on father and son habitat for humanity builds, and road trips in my VW van.
Jack: Yeah, or other things.

Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old


Milton: By the way we have a tradition in my family where we let the child name itself.
Jack: Absolutely not.
Milton: Well suit yourself, but my son Spiderman turned out just fine.

Jack what are you doing? You promised me a drama free dinner. I could be sitting at the corner table at the K-Mart Cafe right now.


I've never seen her this upset since Hurricane Katrina. The coverage pre-empted a tampon commercial she was in.


Jack: I know some things you've done that you would not want me to bring up right now.
Colleen: Most people thought I was a hero for killing Lydia's parrot.

Jack: I knew you would do this...take a happy moment and ruin it, just like you did when I won that scholarship at my high school graduation.
Colleen: It should've gone to the other boy!

I didn't care much for the gazpacho soup. I mean where's the fun of sending it back because it isn't hot?


30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.