Christina: And you did this chopping carrots?
Garrett: Mhm.
Christina: Maybe get the bag of baby carrots next time.

I love you, Alie, but I'm done being your lackey. Consider this my officially tendered resignation.


Brady: Oh, no, I said "dang," not "Dana."
Dana: Oh. My name's only one letter away.
Brady: Yeah.
Dana: Know what else? It's also only one letter away from DNA. Heh. This job is my destiny.
Brady: Cool.

  • Permalink: Cool.
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Sophie: I get you. Wanna stay for a late night snack?
Cam: What if I just stayed?

My son just got fired by his therapist.


Therapist: Cam? You're shaking.
Teen Cam: I wanna talk about the body.

I don't talk to inanimate objects.


OK, Alison's grief coordinator. It's a self-appointed position. How many tears should we cry? Will ten suffice?


I hated my father. He's the reason I left my family behind fourteen years ago. When I left, he told me that my anger would fade one day and that I'd come home and we could just pick up where we left off. He lied to me. Time ran out.


My name is Jack Hawthorne and I'm going to talk about my grandpa. It's very sad that I'll never get to see him alive again. It's also sad that I'll never get to talk to him, hug him, or ask him advice. But I'm mostly sad because grandpa was cremated and I never got to see his decomposing body.


Madeline: Tessa is trying to have a baby, Alison's weeks from the election, and Cam's sober. He's beat his demons.
Garrett: What's your point, mom?
Madeline: I think you should leave.
Garrett: Why?
Madeline: Because you're a grenade.
Garrett: Well then maybe you should handle me carefully.

Now, the working theory is that SBK had a deeply engrained resentment of wealth and power. SBK saw himself as some sort of mascot of a populist uprising. Then he stopped.


American Gothic Quotes

Cam: It's just weed.
Tessa: Don't lie to me.
Cam: It's not just weed.

Honey, did you order a walking Norman Rockwell painting?