Kathleen: So, did your brand new job come with a brand new raise?
Diana: Only if I come with a brand new penis.

Kathleen: Get your fingers out of my mouth!
Bonnie: I'm afraid you don't get to decide what goes into your mouth until you can make decisions like a big girl. Now let's go. Get it out!

I like my life without you. I hate the club and all those people, and I hate that you don't ask me what I want to drink. This is about you and me. We don't work. Anymore.


Diana: When did you start taking valium?
Kathleen: [slurring] Since I started getting stressed out.

Diana: Mr. Bishop!
Mr. Bishop: Yes?
Diana: You know, I could fire Jeff if you want. [Mr. Bishop laughs]

Steve: I have always been in awe of what an incredible mother you are.
Bonnie: If I was so great, why did you cheat on me?
Steve: Because I'm an idiot.
Bonnie: Finally something we can agree on.

Steve: So, what's wrong with you? People don't usually end up on the bathroom floor until after they've been drinking?
Bonnie: I got fired.
Steve: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Bonnie: It gets worse. I tried to make Jessica play a prostitute today. I'm a terrible mother! [Steve laughs] I'm glad you find it amusing!

Mr. Bishop: You have no idea how hard it is to be a man these days.
Diana: How hard it is to be a man. Are you serious? Try being a woman. Try working twice as hard for half the recognition and a quarter of the pay. Or see how it feels to be called a bitch for speaking up for what you believe in. Or being told that because you have a career, you're never going to have a family. [packs up to leave]
Mr. Bishop: Wait, what is it? Where are you going?
Diana: You promoted Jeff, so you can clean up his mistakes.

Mr. Bishop: I thought we were having a moment.
Diana: Yes, we were. It's called compassion. It's when one person in nice to another person. Maybe you have trouble seeing that because I'm a woman.
Mr. Bishop: I'm sorry, but you are a woman, and I'm a man.
Diana: Yes, and?
Mr. Bishop: It's confusing. Do you want to be treated as our equals or do you want us to hold open the doors for you? Which one?
Diana: How about both? Is that so impossible?
Mr. Bishop: So how are we supposed to know what you want at any goddamned moment?

Bonnie: What are you casting for right now?
Kathleen: It's for a teen hooker on Police Woman.
Bonnie: She can play that!

Jessica: Mom! You're walking too quick. I can't keep up!
Bonnie: That's why I'm pulling you.

Bonnie: Please! I really need this job.
Mister: And brides need white wedding dresses, and thanks to you, ours went elsewhere to get hers.

American Woman Quotes

Steve: Are you watching this?
Bonnie: Not really. I just had it on.
Steve: Do you understand what she's talking about? Because I don't.
Bonnie: I think some women want to work and have a career like Diana's doing. I don't think it's that crazy.
Steve: Yeah, I guess, but it's no picnic out there in the real world. I mean, I feel like you women have it real good. I mean, why complain?

Kathleen: Now I got a man, and I'm doing everything I can to keep him.
Diana: Why are you worried you're gonna lose him?
Kathleen: Well, I'm not WORRIED. Greg is great. He's so sweet and attentive, but there's just no spark. Sometimes I think I just might not be his type.
Bonnie: Well, what is his type?