American Woman
Thursdays 10:00 PM on ParamountAmerican Woman Quotes
Bonnie: Girls, we're having company tomorrow!
Jessica: Who?
Bonnie: My friend, Louise, and her family.
Becca: Why? Are you trying to prove how cool you are by inviting your black friend over?
Kathleen: Well, they seem like a nice family.
Diana: Uh huh.
Peggy: Would have been nice to know they were colored.
Diana: What difference would that have made?
Peggy: It doesn't make any difference. It just would have been nice to know.
Kathleen: I've heard so much about you, Louise, but Bonnie never mentioned how beautiful you are.
Louise: Oh, why thank you.
Kathleen: You're welcome. You have such pretty skin. You know, the thing about colored people that I notice is that y'all have different colors of skintones. Some colored people are very light skinned and some are very dark, but you have just the perfect tone. It's like chocolate.
Louise: I am very sorry about this, Bonnie. I don't know what to say. I guess this is what you can expect when you raise teenagers in this day in age.
Bonnie: I can tell you, when you walk into a room and you see something like that, it stops you in your tracks! It's not right!
Louise: It's not right? I think we should probably head home now. Thank you for a wonderful afternoon.
Bonnie: Becca, I might have overreacted. I don't know what got into me.
Becca: It's called racism.
Bonnie: Becca, don't say that. I'm not, you know. That. I screwed up, alright?
Alan: You know, Diana, if I was attracted to women, I bet it would be to someone like you.
Diana: Gee, Beav, that's sweet of you to say.
Diana: So how did you figure it out?
Alan: What? That I was gay?
Diana: Yeah.
Alan: [laughs] It all started with Wally Cleaver.
Diana: What?
Alan: I couldn't stop thinking about Wally Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver.
Diana: Come on.
Alan: It's true. I thought about him all the time, and sometimes I kissed the TV.
Diana: Sounds romantic.
Alan: You can't choose who you love.
She saw you on the porch and. God. This is stupid. She saw you on the porch, and she said you're a homosexual. Oh my.
Diana
Bonnie: So. Am I your muse?
Adam: You're my inspiration. You'll be my muse when somebody buys it.
Kathleen: You need to untangle your tingle.
Bonnie: I don't know what you're saying.
Becca: Wow. Cereal AND milk?
Bonnie: Try to make it last, please. Cereal and milk cost over a dollar.
Becca: My friends will be so jealous.
Bonnie: Oh. Am I the God damned Mother of the Year? I didn't know. It's so unexpected. Thank you all for coming tonight. First of all, I'd like to thank Kathleen and Greg for showing my daughter what it feels like to have to work for a living.
Diana: You're a little drunk. Why don't you just sit down?
Bonnie: And I'd also like to thank Diana for tearing herself away from doing absolutely nothing in order to be here.
Diana: I'm actually very busy. Tonight was my only free night, so...
Bonnie: Lastly, I'd like to give special thanks to my daughters who couldn't be here tonight because one was so exhausted from hawking orange juice and the other won't speak to me because she thinks I've driven her father away. Thank you so much.
